Ruby just had her first bath

The whole thing was a great deal less stressful than I expected it to be. She rolled in something horrible on our walk a little while ago, and I tried just washing the affected areas but she still stank. Julie has warned me that I needed to put her into the bathtub and give her a real bath, just to get her used to it, while she was still young enough to think it was fun.

I was prepared to concede that she might be right. That it would be a bummer to find out she hates baths when she's filthy and I'm on my way out the door. But it's like me to put things off.

I needn't have worried; she liked it just fine! I brought her into the bathroom & closed the door, sudsed her all up briskly with a warm washcloth and then picked her up and put her into the tub. I had put an old towel on the bottom of the tub so she wouldn't slide around, and once I shut the tub enclosure door (and, well, I got in there with her -- no photos, it's Christmas), she was completely calm and happy about the whole thing.

Ruby: "Wow! I'm in the tub! This is fun! I love it in here! Mom, look: a washcloth! I'm taking it! It's mine!"

Me: "Awww, who's a good puppy? Give me your other foot. What a sugar bear." etc., ad naus.

And I sudsed her up a little more, turned the handheld shower thingy on and rinsed her off and we were good to go. No panic, no attempts to escape, and a whole lot of tail-wagging when I dried her off. I did underestimate the number of towels it would take to get us both dried off, but that was a small problem, easily remedied. Plus the bathroom floor is clean now, too. The whole event took about six minutes.

Number of seconds it took for her to leap into my bed once I opened the bathroom door? About 4, but I had put a clean sheet over it in anticipation of that very thing. At least she smells good.

She's sleeping all curled up on the sofa now.

Search strings, and post # 142 in 2007

I just noticed that I did in fact exceed the total number of posts for 2005, my first year blogging. This was my goal, and I'm now happy. It's also, in case you are keeping track, post #384 or something like that. Traffic to alphabitch.org continues to be light, which is how I like it. I've only ever had to delete a couple of comments (mostly for irrelevant commercial shilling or really offensive and also highly irrelevant commentary). While I was adding things up, I took a look at some recent search strings that led folks here to this little corner of the virtual world:

• songs of the apocolypse: here's a playlist
• how much does a dash of worcestershire sauce mean in a recipe? I admit I have been guilty of not being more specific in my recipies, but 1 dash = 12 drops, according to the cooking page at the very fine website onlineconversion.com. Or two pinches. Or 0.00000258499 of a hogshead [US], whatever the hell that is.
• Christian biker chicks: Can't help you here. This is the post they went to, but I'm not sure it helped, as I am neither a Christian nor a biker chick.
• vintage lingerie pictures: I aim to please. Here you go. Of course, they are pictures of the lingerie only; I am not in them.
• regret it sooner or later: I'm not sure it was what this person in the UAE was looking for, but I did get kind of embarrassed when one of my friends mentioned a rather intimate blog post over dinner. "Regret" is putting it a little too strongly though.
• bodybuilderin alphabitch: um, this is weird. Someone from Germany. I don't think this post was what they were looking for, somehow. I used to do a lot more weightlifting, but not so much these days.
  
• concrete cut dog door: There is a dog door in my house, but it's cut into a wooden door in pretty much the usual way. Sorry, can't help you.
  
• Jennifer Warnes breasts: go away. There is nothing here about Ms. Warnes' breasts. She has re-released her fine recording "Famous Blue Raincoat," however, which I cannot recommend highly enough. It's all Leonard Cohen songs, except for 'Song of Bernadette,' which she co-wrote with Mr. Cohen. And did I mention it's excellent?
  

There were also the usual multiple searches for what I guess you could call my greatest hits:

• squid octopus difference: I don't know, precisely, but they are different. And I do know that some people think that finding a squid in your driveway makes more sense than finding an octopus in your driveway. In Wisconsin. While removing snow.
• duct tape leg shaving: I am probably going to be famous for this one, if I am ever famous for anything. Perhaps I will regret ever posting this. If you do try it at home, make sure that you use really high-quality, sticky duct tape, and also wait a good long time so that there is enough leg hair for the duct tape to get a grip. Doesn't work so well on stubble. And don't try it if you've never waxed your legs, because it will probably hurt a lot. Experienced leg-waxers, however, will find that it's quite effective -- if you don't use that cheap-ass 'duck tape' crap. And you don't pull the strip off, you roll it very firmly against the direction of hair growth.
  
• tatertot hotdish best recipe: A very good recipe, if I do say so myself. But don't use that crappy paddy-grown wild rice. You're much better off with ground beef or brown rice. But the really good wild rice? Totally excellent. And Tater Tots® are just plain good, I don't care what anyone says.
  
• can dogs eat blueberries? Yes! And they love them, fresh or frozen! Do NOT, however, feed your dogs grapes or raisins. It could kill them, for real. Raspberries, blackberries, and blueberries are fine, though. I've been feeding them to my dogs for years, and they seem to suffer no ill effects.
  

So maybe I'll keep blogging for another year.

Mandy did prevail, in case you were wondering

Daisy commented on yesterday's post that "I swear, it looks like they are talking! I WANT THE CHAIR! OH YEAH, WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!" She was exactly right; Ruby eventually gave up, having very firmly established possession of the other two chairs, the sofa, her own bed, and my bed. It was an epic battle, but Mandy, as you can see, was pretty happy with the purple chair and her crate.

Merry Christmas, if you're into that kind of thing.

Mandy comes for another visit

She's being fairly assertive about the chair today, Mandy is, and they are both being very good dogs. I don't have the camera at home with me today, so we'll have to look at this photo from the last time Mandy was here. It's pretty much what they are doing right now.

We've got some dog biscuits in the oven and are having a pretty swell Saturday night. Maybe we'll watch a movie or something.

The color of Tang®

If you are looking for a color to paint your kitchen -- or even, say, the kitchen in the apartment over your garage -- don't pick the color of Tang®. It's really ugly, plus unappetizing. And you can see it through two coats of primer and one coat of paint. And now there's a song stuck in my head, even though I was painting a kitchen, not a living room. I can't find a link to the song or a video of it, so here are the lyrics. It's a peppy little waltz, with guitar & accordion:

WHY AM I PAINTING THE LIVING ROOM?

Holes in the ozone the size of Brazil
Barges of trash in the chewable breeze
Pools of industrial wasteland pate'
Sulfur dioxide dissolving the trees
Pretty soon it will all end with a boom
Why am I painting the living room?

I have the whole day off
Cause it's a Saturday
There is a bluegrass band
Somewhere along the bay
Look at the lilacs bloom
Why am I painting the living room?

A pinhead evangelist pays for his sin
With a five dollar fine for a black collar crime
Kingpins of industry knowingly nod
Just like lake Erie they're 12% slime
They wink at the president too I assume
And here I am painting the living room

I hear the bluebird sing
Don't let the day go by
Look at the blossoms blow
Over the blue blue sky
All with a wild perfume
And here I am painting the living room

Why am I painting the living room? (repeat)

(Lou:)
Ah yes I can see how my tombstone will read
Here lies someone of exceptional worth
Though she did not do a lot for her kind
Or help hold together this crumbling earth
Here lies a woman they're saying of whom
Sure had a goodlooking living room...

©1988 L&P Berryman. Words by Peter, Music by Lou.

Julie was a lot more helpful yesterday than Ruby was today. In fact, the whole thing was Julie's idea. She even found some primer and paint in her basement and got the whole project rolling. Thanks, Julie!

I think that the next coat (coats?) of paint will have to wait until next weekend.

Dog biscuits: The Recipe

I made some more dog biscuit dough yesterday, and this time I measured everything, and kept track of what I did. So here it is, because I know Linus wants some. It's kind of complicated and putzy, but you love your dog, right?

I did this the old-fashioned way, meaning I dissolved the yeast in about half a cup of warm water (about 110 degrees F) with one sugar cube and then let it stand until it's all foamy & bubbly. When you do it this way, it's important that everything else is about room temperature (or a little warmer, if you're like me) so that when you add the yeast you don't kill it. The modern sort of bread machine influenced way to do it is to add the yeast to the (room temperature) dry ingredients and then have the liquid ingredients a little hotter when you add them (I guess about 120-130 degrees F). Never tried it, but if you feel more comfortable doing it that way, go right ahead.

Also: The recipe below calls for 1 cup of cooked grain cereal. I used a cup of Ruby's special chow, which I made the other day by cooking oatmeal and rice in some leftover chicken soup with extra chicken broth. But if you have a cup of cooked rice left over, or oatmeal, or millet, or seven-grain cereal, or whatever, you can use that. If you have to cook something up just for this recipe, cook it in broth or stock; throw in some shredded vegetables (my dogs have seemed to especially like carrots and apples, but this is also a good way to get rid of any bits of leftover meat and/or vegetables), add some canned pumpkin at the end. You'll probably have more than a cup of it, but you can freeze it for the next time, or just add a small scoop of it on top of the dog's kibble every morning.

So here we go:

Dissolve 1 packet or 1 Tbsp. dry yeast in 1/2 cup warm water with 1 sugar cube. Set in a warm, still place for a while. I actually used a little more than a Tbsp, but less than you'd get in two packets.

While that's going on, combine the dry ingredients in a large bowl -- not the one you'll use in the mixer (if you're using a mixer). You'll need at least 8 cups, and some of it should be white flour. You may need a little more than 8 cups. Don't have a flour sifter? Me neither. I just put it through a wire mesh colander. You could also just stir it all up with a fork so that it's more or less evenly blended. Here's what I used this time, but last time I included bits of rye flour and millet flour and cornmeal and buckwheat flour and rolled oats and whatever else I had in the freezer taking up space.

• 4 cups all-purpose white flour
• 3-1/2 cups whole wheat flour
• 1/2 cup wheat germ

In the mixing bowl, combine the wet ingredients. If you're using a fancy mixer, you'll want to use the dough hook eventually, so you might as well start out with it. You can also just mix this up with a spoon or whisk or whatever. And again, make sure that they are room temperature or slightly warmer:

• 1 cup chicken stock* (of course I use homemade stock, which I have in the freezer, but you can use canned or boxed -- salt free! -- broth or stock
• 1 cup milk*
• 1 cup cooked grain/cereal (oatmeal, rice, 7-grain cereal, millet -- even leftover polenta)
• 1/4 cup shortening, butter, or lard
• 1 egg
• 1 Tbsp. garlic powder (NOT garlic salt)
• 1 grated apple (optional)
• 1 grated carrot (optional)
• 1/4 cup brewer's yeast (optional)

* You can use slightly more, like, say a can of broth and a can of evaporated milk, but you'll probably have to add more flour.

When that's all combined, and neither too hot nor too cold, add the yeast (remember the yeast? it should be all foamy and smelly by now), stir for a bit, and then add a couple of cups of the flour mixture. Keep adding the flour, 1/2 a cup at a time, until you've added about 6-1/2 cups. By this time, it will take a few minutes to incorporate each additional scoop of flour. Make sure that it's well blended in before adding the next scoop. Which, keep adding more until the dough leaves the sides of the bowl and starts to get smooth and elastic. You might need to knead in the last few scoops by hand. It should be a fairly stiff dough, not sticky at all. Keep kneading and every once in a while sort of pick it up and slam it onto the work surface and slap it a few times.

If you've baked bread by hand before, you'll know when it's ready to stop kneading and start the first rising. When you pinch it gently, it feels sort of like an earlobe, and it will keep the shape for a bit but start to spread back out right away. When you slap it, it feels kind of heavy and dense, but springy.

Place the dough in an oiled bowl and oil the surface of the dough. Cover with a clean towel or cloth napkin and leave in a warm, still place for at least an hour. I usually turn the oven on to low for about five minutes, and then turn it off while I am still kneading, then I put the dough in there to rise, with the light on. Remember to turn it off, though.

After an hour or so, check on it; it should be twice as large as it was when you put it in there. It's ready when you poke two fingers into it -- about to the first knuckle -- and the indentation stays. This part is fun: Punch the center of the dough and watch it collapse. Then knead it again, just for a few minutes. If it is at all sticky at this point, incorporate some more flour, 1/4 cup at a time, as you knead. If it seems too dry and floury, sprinkly a Tbsp. or so of olive oil on it as you knead.

At this point, I divided the dough into four equal pieces. I put three of them into plastic freezer bags and tossed them into the freezer.** I put the remaining piece into a smaller oiled bowl and put it into the fridge because I had to go do something for a few hours. You could also put it back in the warm place and let it rise again right away. It won't take as long to double in size this time, but when it does, punch it down and roll it out on a floury cutting board or other work surface. It should be about 1/4 to 3/8 of an inch thick.

If you have a dog biscuit-shaped cookie cutter, use it to cut them out, and then quickly place them on a lightly greased cookie sheet. You can put them fairly close together. You can use any old cookie cutter, or just take a knife and cut them into little rectangles or whatever shape you want. They're kind of hard to break, so you might want to make them bite-sized from the start.

You'll notice that once they're on the cookie sheets they start to rise again. Brush the tops with olive oil, or with a mixture of egg white and water, or with milk. Then take a fork and poke holes in the surface of the biscuits, about an inch or so apart. Let them sit on the cookie sheets for about 15-20 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 325 F.

Bake them on the center rack for about 45 minutes, then reduce the heat to 250 and bake for another hour or so. Maybe more. They should be crunchy and dry but not very dark brown. Then turn the oven off and just leave them there until they are completely cool. Overnight is fine if it's late and you're bored with this project.

When completely cool, place in an airtight container or zippery freezer bags. They'll keep at least a week or so that way, but if it's going to be much longer than that, keep them in the fridge.

** To thaw them out, if you put them in the freezer, I usually take one out in the morning before I go to work and put it into the refrigerator. Then when I get home, I take it out and put it in an oiled bowl in a warm place and let it rise for a while, then knead a bit and roll it out and proceed as above with cutting out & baking.

My dog is a good dog

This morning Ruby performed the elusive 'down-stay' maneuver, staying put for twenty seconds. Twenty entire seconds! She's pretty good at 'sit-stay' and will go directly to 'down' on command, but she usually pops back up as soon as her elbows hit the floor.

In other news, I have learned to say 'off the fence,' and 'come here,' and 'sit' pretty much every single time Ruby jumps on the fence. Followed on randomly selected occasions with a treat. She is a very good teacher.

Environmental enrichment for dogs*

When I leave the house, I always leave a bunch of toys in Ruby's little space. And the radio playing. She gets confined to the hallway and bathroom; there's a window, but it's up high so that she can't look out and bark at the neighbor dogs or the mailman. There are several doors that get locked with hooks: to the basement, the living room, my bedroom, a linen closet, the stairwell going upstairs, and my sewing room. The only furniture in there is a small desk in the hallway. She has never chewed on it, though she did peel some paint off of the closet door and the door going upstairs. I leave a broom leaning against each of those doors, and she hasn't bothered them since.

The brooms kind of scare her. She is very careful not to knock them over.

A couple of the toys are the kind that you can put treats inside, and it's kind of a challenge for dogs to get them out again. I always do put a couple of treats in those for her. When she sees me gather up the toys and put the treats in them, she gets very happy, and goes into her room, sits on her bed, and waits.

Separation anxiety? Not a problem at all. She loves it when I go away.

Today when I got home, however, she had found something else with which to entertain herself: aloe vera/Vitamin E foot creme, which she loves. I have to put my socks on very fast or she tries to lick it right off my feet. And of course I have to remember to put the jar somewhere she can't reach it. Well, either I forgot to do that or there is no longer any such place in the bathroom, alas.

Fortunately the stuff is really cheap, and I bought two jars of it last time I was in the drugstore.


*[2009 update: OK, perhaps this post should be more accurately titled "Environmental enrichment for dogs: here is what happens when there is not enough for your dog to do." I'd hoped that it would be obvious that it was not meant to be an example of proper enrichment activities for dogs; I regret that this was not clear enough to those who take the time (still!) to write to me about it, and I do apologize if I was rude in my response to you. I understand that you were trying to help. So if anyone is inclined to email me more dog-rearing advice based on this two-year-old post, please note that a) she was six months old and not crate trained (nor had she ever even been in a house!) when she came to live with me, so no, crate-training is not essential to her well-being; b) puppies and young energetic dogs need to be confined for their own safety, not for the integrity of the furniture, so yes, it is a good idea to put her in a small, relatively featureless and den-like room; it's stressful enough for dogs in a new environment without having to guard the whole house and keep it safe from potential intruders like the mailman and the neighbor kids and so forth; and c) the brooms were not intended to 'terrorize' her in any way, just to impede her ability to chew on the woodwork and ingest paint chips. In any case, she's all grown up now and no longer confined to a small room when I leave. She has no lingering fear of brooms. My leaving does not stress her out in the least, as she looks forward to the routine of the treat ball before I go out the door. But thanks for your advice all the same. Also: I do not adhere to any single method or theory or set of rules for dog training or rearing. Every dog is different.]

Science in action: attention, headaches, and smart bras

I think my brain is missing something. I don't think I have an 'irrelevance filter.' Apparently there's memory and there's something called 'working memory:'

"Working memory is important because it gives a mental workspace in which we can hold information whilst mentally engaged in other relevant tasks, which is crucial for learning.

"Its capacity is limited and seems to vary from person to person."

They think that this has something to do with ADD, etc., or at any rate they think it explains why some people are better at remembering things than others.

And as a longtime migraine sufferer, I also found this article interesting:

"Scientists have discovered differences in the sensory areas of the brains of people who develop migraines.

"They found a part of the cortex is thicker than in people who are free from the debilitating headaches.

"What is not clear is whether the difference causes, or is the result of migraine attacks."

Apparently this phenomenon of cortex thickening leads to hypersensitivity to pain and other stimuli. Kind of a chicken-and-egg thing at this point, though.

But on the useful new study front, yet another group of scientists -- this bunch in Australia -- has found a way to incorporate sensors into fabric in order to compensate for the uncomfortable motion of large breasts during exercise. Increased accuracy in monitoring the breast tissue is essential, they say, to design more supportive undergarments for the large-breasted gal.

"Brassiere designers will have the ability directly to assess the effects of changes to each brassiere component."

About damn time, is all I have to say about that. Although how would it feel to know that your own bra is staring at your tits while you run?

Who's training whom?

I think the homemade dog biscuits might have been a mistake. Oh, they turned out great, and there are a lot of them. Or, there were a lot of them. I've given away several dozens of them, but Ruby's certainly put a dent in the supply. She can tell when I have them in my pocket, on account of they are more deliciously fragrant than other dog biscuits. And there are still about 500 biscuits' worth of dough in the freezer, as I got tired of rolling it out and cutting them out. The recipe I used made a lot more biscuits than I expected, and in fact made a quantity too large for my new mixer to handle. I'll have to work on it a bit before I post it here.

On the up side, she has been very responsive to my training efforts lately. She will come when called most of the time, even when she is trying to track down a squirrel, or digging around near the potting shed where I'm pretty sure there are mice. She'll sit and stay for upwards of five seconds (which is a giant leap from previous attempts), and she'll even stay when I step away or turn my back briefly. And she's got the 'down' command pretty well, although 'down-stay' remains at around 50 percent.

But she's started to perform in hopes of a treat, without waiting for a command. She'll just show up at my side and sit. If I happen to walk near the fridge -- which is where the treats are, up on top where she can't reach them -- she trots over and sits. And when I don't respond in the way she'd like, she first wags her tail and looks adorable. When that fails, and I walk away, she tries to get my attention, first by getting in my way, then by barking. Or she'll go into the hallway where her bed is, and leap onto it and assume the 'down' position, which is what she has to do when I leave the house. 'On your bed,' is what I say to her, and I give her a treat. But I'm not gonna give her a damn treat every single time she gets into her bed.

She's also started stringing commands together in creative but plausible ways. 'Off the fence,' which has been pretty difficult but she's definitely improving, has come to mean, 'off the fence' + 'come over here' + 'sit' all at once. Her annoyance when I fail to reward her is kind of funny, but getting old fast.

And sometimes when I sit down at the computer in the morning, she comes right over and sticks her nose in my bathrobe pocket, just to make sure there are no treats. And if there are treats in there, she'll keep pestering me until I finally make her do a down-stay.

At which point, this morning, I gave her the treat already.

Yes, I'm responding very well to her training efforts.

Dreamy

I'm very tired and about to toddle off to bed. Ruby is in the kitchen barking to alert me to the presence on the counter of a freshly baked loaf of bread. I'm waiting for it to get cool enough to wrap up. I'm not sure why she doesn't just jump up and get it; it is within her reach.

She's a funny dog.

But as long as I'm sitting here, waiting around, I will tell you about another item I emailed to myself: this guy might be my dream date. He's done a bunch of high-quality modifications to standard car engines to increase gas mileage and decrease emissions, and to make them burn alternative fuels. The kind of stuff that Detroit says isn't possible. I've been hearing about him here and there for a while now, and was very happy when Fred Clark over at slacktivist (speaking of dream dates, I think Fred is pretty dreamy as well) linked to this story about Jonathan Goodwin.

I have mixed feelings about biofuels; whatever we choose as a source of fuel for transport, heat, or power generation, I think it's imperative that we learn to do with less of it. Whether it comes from a finite source with a pile of associated security and political issues, or from a food crop (or land which could otherwise grow one) at the expense of a hungry planet, burning stuff is an increasingly dumb idea.

And it's clear that a lot of folks here in the U. S. of A. are not willing to live in cold houses, in the dark, and not drive anywhere, so I think that gains in efficiency whereever possible are essential.

Plastic on the windows only goes so far in saving the world.

Bugwatching

I emailed myself this link recently, in case I wanted to post some spider pictures. I found it via Neurophilosophy.

This guy, Mike Libby, found a dead beetle one day and, intrigued by its beautiful exoskeleton, installed some watch parts in it. Why? I don't know, really. His artist statement type page says he explores "themes of science, nature, fantasy, history and autobiography; highlighting illogical and acute correspondences between the real and unreal."

The results aren't working watches or clocks, but rather really compelling little pieces of cybernetic sculpture.

He's got beetles, and butterflies, and dragonflies, and of course arachnids. He continues to work with found specimens occasionally, but he also obtains them from some kind of entomology supply house. In addition, you can send him a specimen you're particularly fond of and, if possible, he'll make it into a custom piece for you.

Technical difficulties, and a couple other things

If you're trying to email your request for the 2007 Christmas CD and I haven't already replied to you, please try again. A couple of folks apparently ran afoul of my SPAM filters somewhere along the line. You can email contact.alphagal -at- gmail -dot- com if the other address isn't working.

I really will get them out this week; it's been a bit busier than usual here at alphabitch HQ.

Also, Ruby's foot is healing nicely, finally. She's still on restrictions, but can go for walks and run around a little bit. Makes things much easier for me.

Had to happen sooner or later

Friday night I was at dinner with a bunch of people, and wouldn't you know it: the minute I sat down at the table someone mentioned the Area 51 incident. I knew someone would bring it up sooner or later, but I thought I'd at least have a chance to sit down, get a glass of wine, talk to everybody for a bit, but no.

I'm certainly aware that people -- people I know as well as total strangers -- will read what I write here, and I did feel a little shy about posting that particular item. It's just not the kind of thing I expected to have to talk about at the dinner table, in mixed company & all.

I guess I don't regret posting it, though. I got some comments and emails with excellent advice. I also had no clue how many women my age do this kind of thing on a regular basis. I'd heard it was all the rage among younger women, but I had no idea that perfectly ordinary middle-aged ladies like myself seem to think this is no different than shaving anywhere else.

Who knew?