What I really think

Tidying up my desktop, I found this list. I think it was written in response to some skirmish(es) in the ongoing feminist blogwars. I try not to get too intensively involved in online discussions of these topics, because it activates my PTSD. But I do have an opinion or two:

• The Patriarchy: Heavily armed and oppressive as fuck-all, and it's everywhere you look -- including inside your own head. And mine. Largely imaginary and mostly useful as a metaphor, it nevertheless must be dismantled, or at least seriously marginalized and its effects neutralized. Pointing at it and laughing sometimes helps, as long as you're not in a situation where that would compromise your physical safety. Also known as "The Man," "The System," and western civilization.
  
• Racism: See above. They are in fact related (and might even be the same); they feed each other and give each other power. Neither is "worse," and it doesn't matter which one we dismantle first. Both have got to go. Also known as "The Man," "The System," and western civilization.
• The Transsexual Menace: As menaces go, not a very menacing one. Some of my best friends, etc. I don't really care which restroom they use, unless they're ahead of me in line, in which case I'll use the other one if I'm in a hurry.
• Sex: Fun! Also funny and embarrassing and weird and full of emotional peril. Frequently re-purposed into a surprisingly effective weapon by The Patriarchy. Is it political? Yep. So is everything. Be careful about what thrills you. Not fun for you? Do something else. No need to apologize or explain. "Fun!" just happens to be my experience of it. YMMV.
  
• Blowjobs: Hilarious! Also wildly entertaining, unless you'd rather be doing something else, in which case: do something else. No need to apologize or explain.
• Rape: Not at all funny. Way too popular. Not in fact caused by alcohol, skirt length, chicks who leave home unsupervised, lipstick, high heels, or even pornography. Caused primarily by rapists, working on behalf of The Patriarchy.
• Shoes: I like them. I want more of them, no matter how many I have already. I don't care if that makes me a tool in the hand of the retail/advertising arm of The Patriarchy. Life is fucking complicated. Shoes support your body and comprise the very foundation of your relationship to the planet.
  
• Lipstick and the removal (or not) of body hair: Surely we have better things to quarrel about. Call me a sparklepony; I don't care. Be as pretty as you wanna be. Or don't. You're under no obligation, either way. You are free to ignore anyone who tells you otherwise.
  
• But alphabitch, what about the men? Yeah, yeah, you're oppressed too, dude. Quit yer whining and help us smash the damn patriarchy already. It's keeping us all down. You didn't build it, I know that, but you happen to benefit from it a little bit more than I do (just as I benefit every day from the structures of racism, which I did not cause and do not support). Yes, of course it limits you too. That's part of the problem. Join us.
  

Any questions?

Sexy? Scary? Whatever. Still not funny.

I first saw this item over at Kate Harding's blog Shapely Prose (which is terrific, btw). Kate also blogs at Shakesville and a couple of other places, and she recently invited two excellent co-bloggers, fillyjonk and sweetmachine, to join her at Shapely Prose. She and her colleagues are writing some excellent critiques of the whole 'obesity epidemic' thing, the weight-loss industry, plus fashion, fitness, and links to accurate health information for fat chicks. And lots of stuff for all of us, whether or not we're fat or female, to think about.

Anyway, Kate was pretty disgusted by this Halloween costume, which was apparently advertised at HalloweenStreet.com, among the usual costume options for adult women: Sexy Nurse, Sexy Demented Housewife, Sexy Brick House (?), Sexy Schoolgirl, etc. ad naus. The name of this costume is "Sexy Anna Rexia," and it comes with a belt and choker that look like tape measures. Hahahaha. I share Kate's disgust. Mental illness is just not funny, especially a devastating one that can cause death.

And I'm not amused by the pairing of sexiness and a debilitating disease that makes a person anything but sexy. I spent way too much time during my teens and early twenties hunched over a toilet bowl puking the rare complete meals I had to eat. Measuring and weighing myself every time I ate, drank, peed, or took a (laxative-enhanced) shit. And when dieting didn't work, I added exercise, eventually up to 5-6 hours a day. Which made me ravenously hungry, and sort of cut into the little time I had for socializing. And despite increasingly desperate efforts, still failed to make me skeletally thin.

But I also agree (to a point) with Carol Lloyd over at salon.com, [you'll have to watch an ad if you're not a subscriber] who said, "Even as Anna Rexia makes my skin crawl like no other Halloween costume ever has, I'm also not terribly comfortable getting worked up about a costume for a holiday that is all about embodying our fears." Which, yeah. The holiday is about dressing up as the things we fear.

So I went over to halloweenstreet.com to see whether the Sexy Anna Rexia costume was available in plus sizes. I would probably not have purchased it, had I found it, but I do in fact fear that obsession, and I still do have to fight with it sometimes.

I couldn't find it in the plus size costumes; nor, in fact anywhere on the site. The links I found all led to something else, and the site search function gave zero results. A lot of feminist bloggers and eating-disorder-recovery bloggers wrote about it, and I guess halloweenstreet.com responded to all the negative feedback they must be getting, and removed it from their site. Maybe you'll find them on eBay or something, after all the fuss is over.

Back on halloweenstreet, though, I was kind of startled by the number of options available in the "sexy" category, at least for women. I know that others have commented on this phenomenon, this increased sexualizing of halloween dress-up options (which does extend to teenage and even little girls' costumes, also kind of alarming in some ways -- I didn't see a lot of that on halloweenstreet, but I've heard parents complaining about it generally).

I do think that it's an interesting answer to the question 'what is it we most fear?' Sexy women? That kind of scares me.

Anyway, the Halloween costume I really want? And have never once worn, even though I already have my very own tiara? Fairy princess ballerina.

Be very afraid.