I'm bisexual, just so you know

I don't necessarily want this to be one of those "every thought I ever had" blogs -- not that there's anything wrong with that -- but I guess I can go ahead and say what's on my mind. I mean, I am in charge here & all. Plus, I think this post includes information that is more than merely personal.

You see, there are a few questions that I seem to have to answer over and over again, and I just get tired of it, you know what I mean? It's not that the questions are stupid or unfair, but there are only so many times I can cover the same material.

People have so many weird ideas about things (and no, I'm not immune to this; I have plenty of boneheaded ideas myself), and I find that if you don't talk with them, they never know that what they think is, well, in my opinion anyway, false. Sex is one of those areas where people get particularly attached to ideas that they are moderately comfortable with -- or obsessed by ideas that make them squirm. And when was the last time you saw a movie, or read a book, with a bisexual character who wasn't, like, crazy or at least dysfunctional and maybe even a murderer or a sociopath?

For whatever reasons, bisexuality makes a lot of people nervous. Hell, it makes me uncomfortable sometimes. So I'm going to take a few minutes to address some of the most popular among the wacky ideas and misconceptions I regularly encounter about bisexuality. And then the next time somebody asks me about it, or makes a particularly boneheaded comment, I can just refer them here. You can do the same, if you think it'll help.

Let me just state first off that my personal sex life is, on average, no more or less interesting than other people's, from what I can gather. Your mileage may vary depending on road conditions, etc. But, truly, I don't have twice as much sex as everyone else has (alas). Threesomes? Yeah, well, whatever. And from a historical standpoint, I don't have twice as many (past or present) partners as other single people my age. I don't even feel like I have twice as many potential partners to choose from.

I can sort of see where that last one is coming from, but it's only even remotely valid if you as a monosexual view every person of your preferred gender as a potential partner. But you don't, do you? I like to think that most people are a little more discerning than that, and I think you'll agree with me if you think about it. You've gotta draw the line somewhere, right?

I am not, for example, attracted at all to people who aren't smart, or funny, or who aren't at least moderately healthy in an overall sense (emotionally and physically). I'm more attracted to people who like to dance than those who don't like to dance. I have no patience whatsoever for people who are mean, or who don't like dogs or cats or spiders. Green- or hazel-eyed people are more compelling to me somehow than blue- or brown-eyed people, but I can go either way on that, especially with regard to non-caucasian types, obviously. I personally prefer, in general, people who are taller than I am, and stronger. OK, I'm only 5'2", so adults (and I very strongly prefer adults, just for the record) who are taller than I am are pretty numerous. But very few women are stronger than I am, and a surprising number of men are not.

The second big thing I'm tired of addressing is the 'why don't you make up your mind already?' question. I'm really tired of saying this: I have made up my mind. Some of the people I'm attracted to are male and others are female. Big deal. Why is that so difficult to understand?

I'm not speaking for all bisexuals here, of course, and this is not at all meant to imply in any way that I think bodies are not interesting, because they are. I mean, girls are really pretty & everything (not to mention they have tits!! and multiple orgasms!!), but boys have dicks, which I have to admit I think are really fucking cool.

Nor is any of this meant to imply that I think men and women are the same. They are not, and vive le difference & all that. Yeah, women are -- in general -- better at talking about their feelings than men are. But men don't have to talk about every goddamn feeling, and that's kind of cool too. And there are always exceptions, and exceptional people are interesting. And even androgyny can be pretty interesting sometimes too.

The third big question is one that I mostly hear from men: who gives better head, men or women?

The thinking here I guess is that girls already automatically sort of know what girls want, so they do it better. Some guys feel threatened by this, poor dears, and secretly fear that they'll never get it right. I am here to tell you what you should probably already know: good sex is good sex; good head is good head. You can do it, pal. A lover who is reasonably well informed about anatomy and who is paying attention to what you want (and not what he or she thinks you want) is a better lover than those who give you what they think you want (or --worse -- what they think you should want or what their last five lovers wanted). You know this, right?

Unless I'm tragically mistaken, sex is one area where you can't take the golden rule too literally. You want to do unto others what they really want you to do, not what you want them to do unto you. And yes, this does sometimes involve asking them exactly what they want, and also answering honestly when they ask you. Neither of which is particularly easy.

Another thing I'd like to mention here briefly is, well, monogamy. I'm not generally a huge fan of it (and not just because I'm bisexual; I have plenty of other issues, like, you know, 'commitment phobia' & other shit like that), but I do occasionally (and happily) participate in monogamous relationships on purpose. If you think about it, though, bisexuality is completely irrelevant in the context of a monogamous relationship. Who the hell cares what gender of person you are not sleeping with? What business is it of anyone else's? I mean, if you marry a redhead, is that because you're not attracted to brunettes? Does it mean you think all redheads are potential sex partners? Male and female; quiet and loud, skinny and fat, tall and short? Maybe, maybe not. But it doesn't automatically define you as a sexual pervert to the rest of the world.

Which sort of brings me to my final point: I'm really tired of straight women who think I'm just trying to be contrary and make them look uptight, or who think I'm always coming on to them. I'm really tired of lesbians who think I'm selling out and trying to 'pass,' or to cash in on 'heterosexual privilege.' I'm really tired of men who want to watch me fuck their girlfriends.

I'm just a nice, middle-aged queer girl; get over yourselves already, willya?