Music geekdom: not just for boys

Amanda at Pandagon and Lauren at Feministe have been discussing (yeah, as usual, I'm a little late on this) the whole idea of whether women can be authentic music geeks, or whether they just listen to what their boyfriends tell them to listen to. I am a music geek, and so are they, but they and their commenters discuss the whole issue pretty thoroughly, and it's worth taking a look at. I encourage you to read their posts and also their comments.

I had no idea how completely clueless I have been on this. See, apparently there is a popular idea out there that women who are music geeks are usually (or at least initially) only trying to impress men, or a particular man. That they tailor their musical tastes to please the men in their lives and aren't really interested on their own.

Yes, I've been uncharitable in this regard, for example when a gal I know suddenly and inexplicably develops a taste for thrash metal when she has heretofore only liked whiny folksingers -- but really even that is often (but not always, alas) just a sign that she is willing finally to expand her horizons.

And yes, it was a lover who first played a Sandy Denny record for me when I was a 17-year-old college freshman. But I was the one who asked him who the fuck was playing the guitar like that and where could I find more of this Richard Thompson fellow. And was it a boy I had a 16-year-old crush on who first played me a Tom Waits record or did I fall for the first person to play Tom Waits for me? And does it mean something weird that it was my mom who first played me Leonard Cohen, Neil Diamond, Janis Joplin, or Bob goddamn Dylan? Or my granddad who first played me Hank Williams and Patsy Montana? Or my freaking pothead cousin who introduced me to Pink Floyd and the Who? I just don't think a gal has to get all bent out of shape on account of it was someone else who first pointed her in a direction she ended up wanting to go. I mean, I've dated people who liked all kinds of crap, musically, but I never followed unless I genuinely liked it.

I guess the prevailing so-called wisdom here is that women might get into interesting music on their own eventually, but the implication is that we are only drawn into true (or even pretend) music geekdom by men. Like both Amanda and Lauren, however, I've been introduced to a lot of music by lovers and friends -- both men and women -- AND I've gone out of my way more than once to introduce a lover to something I like (and further, crazy as it might seem, I've broken off potentially interesting, um, relationships, on the basis of incompatible musical and/or literary tastes), But, like them, I can't really say that I've ever adopted/adapted any aspect of my musical taste to please another human being.

Don't get me wrong here -- I love it when a new acquaintance or especially a new lover introduces me to music I wouldn't otherwise have heard. Music is -- to me, anyway -- something so intimate and so cool that I want to share it with people I care about. It helps cement any connection that might be developing. And I know that I've introduced lots of people -- lovers, friends, family -- to new music that they have enjoyed (and yeah, I've bored them to tears). I have even had ex-lovers call me years later to make sure I heard something new that they were sure I'd like -- even if they don't want to talk to me about anything else. Plus I compulsively read liner notes and cross-reference everyone in the band (or studio as the case may be) and listen to all their other recordings, and read reviews, and talk to other musicians and geeks like myself.

I am powerless and I don't want to stop.

Yes, I'm a snob. Of course I am. I'm even a little bit prideful about never ever listening to music on the radio at all. I get a little irked when some of my more "mainstream" pals accuse me of only liking music if it isn't popular, but I do recognize that I have a few of what you could call "acquired tastes" (Leonard Cohen anyone?) that maybe an otherwise discerning person may not have adopted. But it's quite frankly a deal-breaker for me if someone I want to date doesn't like any of my favorite music at all, or I don't like any of theirs. It's just so fundamental.

One of the starting points for Lauren's post is this article in the Guardian about how women don't download music. Whoop de doo. Ever heard of records? or CDs? I almost never download anything. I'm still trying to put my whole CD collection on my laptop. And it's already about three or four times what I can put onto my iPod at any one time, and that's counting only a fraction of what I've uploaded from my ex-lovers and lovers and friends along with my own stuff.

I don't think it's unreasonable to be afraid that if I start looking around for downloadable music I will be unable to detach my ass from this chair and do anything else.

I do have a life, you know. Maybe that's the difference between male music geeks and female music geeks.

Oh, and anyone who thinks women can't be serious music geeks has not ever helped Magpie move. I don't know how many linear feet of LPs that girl owns, but it's a lot. I've carried them. She is among the world's biggest (or at least most effective) music geeks, I'm certain of it.