I've finally gone too far

So I did something again today that just horrifies me. It's something that I have previously considered so, well, utterly unspeakable, that I've never even, like, sworn I'd never do it. And I've done it more than once in the past couple of weeks.

I'm grievously embarrassed by my own behavior.

Here's what I did: I went on & on trying to describe a television show to someone who really just couldn't have given a rat's ass about it. And I could see their eyes sort of glaze over & I kept talking anyway.

Maybe it doesn't seem like that big a deal, you're thinking. And I guess it's not.

But, see, I've never had a television. Oh, we had a couple, briefly, when I was growing up. And people have given me old TV sets which gather dust (and I did get three months of cable free once but canceled it as soon as I had to pay for it). And I've had roommates with TVs, I guess, but I've just never been able to get the hang of watching it.

I don't really think television is all that bad, content-wise, and I do sort of enjoy staying at my sister's and flipping around all those satellite channels. I mean, TV sets all have these "off" buttons, if you can find the right one among all the fucking remotes they have to have nowadays. I have no sympathy for people who whinge about the horrible things they or god help us their children are subjected to via their television sets. Shut up about whatsername's boobs already.

I am deeply uncomfortable about advertising, though, and I'm kind of baffled by people who say it doesn't really affect them one way or the other. Either they have some kind of skill or ability I lack, or they're just plain wrong. I don't think advertisers would pay all that money if it didn't work on somebody. And I don't think that most people fully get it that they are not the consumers of television, but rather the product being sold to the advertisers.

Anyway, I've been alternately annoyed and amused for years by how people respond when they find out I don't have a TV. In certain circles, I avoid even mentioning that I don't have one. There are three main types of responses: incredulity ("what do you do with yourself without a TV? I'd go crazy - how do you know what's going on in the world?") is the most common, I think, but there's also a lot of defensiveness, as in: "I don't watch very much TV; I just like to keep it on for company" -- or for the kids -- or the SO watches all the time. The most interesting response is a hostile defensiveness, an assumption that I'm a snob (probably not too far off base), or that I'm some kind of fanatic -- either religious or political -- and they therefore feel that I'm attacking them for having a television at all.

Truly, I don't care if you have a television. I wish more people were a little more critical of the information they get via their televisions, but I feel that way about newspapers and the internets too. And, sure, there have been a few shows over the years that I've watched with roommates or at friends' houses: 'Star Trek: The Next Generation,' for example, and (ahem) 'Dynasty,' 'Northern Exposure,' 'Monty Python,' and a bunch of those 1970s BBC sitcoms, and 'Xena Warrior Princess.' I'm not totally isolated from the world.

But what has always driven me just absolutely bonkers is people who ask me did I see [whatever their favorite show is] last night, and I say no, and they proceed to fill me in on what happened. If I say I've never seen it, then they have to fill me in on the whole premise of the show, and the history of each character, and my eyes glaze over and -- well, you get the idea.

I mean, I've never even seen 'Seinfeld,' and one day I was at the laundromat (secretly hoping to catch 'Xena: Warrior Princess,' which I really, really like) and I looked up at the TV and there were these people sitting at a restaurant and one of them said something, and there was a close-up of the only woman at the table and I thought, "Oh wow, that must be Elaine." And it was. I felt like I knew her.

Well, I've been watching -- on DVD at a friend's house, in between Monty Python episodes and WC Fields movies -- old episodes of a show called 'Futurama.' You've probably heard about it. I don't think it's on any more, but it was produced by Matt Groening of 'Simpson's' fame (I've never seen the Simpson's but I have long been a fan of his comic 'Life in Hell'), and it's a totally great show. I won't bore you with a description of it. But the really hysterical thing is that we're not watching the episodes in any particular order, so I don't always know exactly what I'm talking about, but still I want to share this fabulous thing.

It's pathetic, in a way. But on the other hand, it gives me a little sympathy for all the people who've been trying to describe 'Friends' or 'Sex in the City' or whatever.