Searching for meaning. And ass.
I was looking at my site stats earlier today. That's certainly amusing and instructive. Most folks seem to arrive here at alphabitch.org on purpose via their own bookmarks or links from other sites/comments, but a few show up here via links from search engines. For the last 100 visits (as of this morning), the top five search strings were "DIY haircuts," "Dynastes tityus," "ants on countertops," "ass," and "Tab Energy." In order of popularity, in case you care.
Ass? Who the hell opens a search window and types only the word "ass?" I guess I did use the word in the title of a recent post, so of course that's what popped up. I don't really know what they were looking for of course, but I suspect that it's something they won't find here.
Among the Tab Energy-related searches, my favorite was "tab drink (pink)." I hope they didn't take it too personally when I described it as "way too fucking pink." Although they would have seen on their search result that the headline of my post was Tab Energy Drink is an abomination, so caveat lector, as they say.
Of the Dynastes tityus searchers, most appeared to be trying to find out where to buy one to keep as a pet. Beetles as pets? It's true that they're fascinating critters, and I guess they would be pretty low-maintenance compared to certain other pets I could name my blog after. But when I do trap Coleoptera under glass to observe them (and I do that from time to time), they seem alarmed and, frankly, a little hostile -- and who could blame them? I don't think I'd want to keep one for a pet. Not because I think they're icky & weird, but it just seems mean. I wouldn't want to be responsible for incarcerating a creature that is constantly alarmed & hostile. They're sure pretty, though. Maybe you can get some kind of happy beetle habitat, or -- hell, I don't know, maybe you can train them. For all I know they make loving and attentive pets. I guess I need to follow some of the other links in those searches.
The DIY haircut folks included one searching for "cute haircuts of 2006" [gosh, you really think so?], and one looking for information on "compulsive behaviour" + haircutting. I hope they followed my links to Liz and Mrs. Kennedy. That has been one of my more popular posts for a while now.
"Ants on countertops" searches also included one search for "'tactile hallucinations' + bugs." The less said about ants the better, as far as I'm concerned. But I will say that I learned this morning that there's a reason they call sweet corn sweet: on account of it contains enough sugar that the one kernel left in the bottom of my sink when I rinsed out my plate last night was sufficient to attract ooty pazillion ants.
Oh, the horror that was my morning. No way could I make coffee or eat breakfast. I did put on a pair of gloves and wipe away that kernel of corn and every other speck of remotely food-like debris from the drain. And discovered that I am out of bleach, dammit.
There were also quite a few amusing search strings that each led one person here. Some of them led to a specific post, but the weirder ones just led to an archive page that happened to contain all of the words in the strings that weren't enclosed in quotes. My favorites, and the posts (or archive pages) they found:
- kitten carpal problems [I was the #1 result in that search. Go figure.];
- fishbone bicycle stop;
- what does a dream of being hit by another car mean?;
- white german shepherd puppy skin blotchy; and
- what is the difference between an octopus and a squid?
Oh, and a couple of people have found this site lately from search strings with the word 'bisexual' in it. Unfortunately they end up at this post, which is kind of boring. This one, from quite a while ago, is a little more entertaining.
[Update: I just added the picture of my beloved alphabitch to the above post. I sort of miss her today.]
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