How I almost bought an iPhone last night

Maybe I've mentioned before that I have narcolepsy. I've been taking medication for it for many years, and it worked really well. But it's the kind of drug that, over time, your body starts to require more and more of, and I was taking a lot of it. Like, enough speed to keep four truckers on the road all night, but I took it every day.

When I tried once, a coupla years ago, to have the prescription filled at a new pharmacy, they refused. Thought it was forged. Told me this was the wrong dosage, that this was an overdose, that my insurance wouldn't cover it. In a total panic, I took it to my regular pharmacist, who explained about the tolerance thing and calmed me down. And of course my insurance would cover it. And, with the support of my doctors, I experimented to find the lowest effective dose possible.

Even so, over time, the side effects became intolerable, and I started skipping doses, not taking it on weekends, sometimes not taking it for days at a time, or taking only half. Or drinking shots of bourbon to relax enough to un-clench my jaw, undo the knots in my back. Don't even talk to me about the fractured teeth. And then my face started twitching.

Taking it was starting to feel worse than not taking it. Predictably enough, my sleep cycle, always eccentric to begin with, got further disrupted, and the whole thing spiraled a bit out of control: memory problems, general flakiness, inability to track things, perception issues. Oh, and weight gain, which is not my favorite thing in the world. I have some issues about that. Despair all around.

So we tried some new drugs. I am now taking #5, and it's working moderately well, and the side effects are tolerable. Yay. Better living through chemistry, etc. The first three things I tried did nothing, and the fourth worked OK, not great, but the side effects were unacceptable. I am still uncomfortable with the idea that a drug-free life is probably not possible, not if I want to remain employed, have friends, etc.

I'm lots better, but I'm still flaking out a bit -- some of the same old same old, and also in some new (for me) and exciting ways. I've locked my keys in my house about 5 times in the last month (plus lost the key that I'd hidden outside in case I locked myself out). The parts of my work that I normally find the most fun and satisfying are nearly impossible to do. My coordination is bad (which is saying something, as I've always been a bit of a klutz).

But that's not what this post is about. I'm telling you all of this because it's background for a kind of funny story. Funny interesting, more than funny haha, but what happened is last night after work, one of my colleagues invited me to join her and some others for a beer & a snack at the restaurant/bar down the hill from our workplace. I said yes, because it sounded like fun, and she's invited me a bunch of times before and I almost always say no, because this place is usually so loud and chaotic right after work. So we had a beer, and part of another, and then everybody wanted to head over to some other event, one I didn't want to attend, so my friends dropped me off on their way.

No biggie, nothing terribly unusual, really. Not my usual routine, but I can handle it, right? So I fed Ruby and we were hanging out in the back yard and I checked my cellphone to see if anyone had called. That bar was so loud I'd never have heard it, even in my pocket.

No cellphone in my pocket. Or my pocketbook, for that matter. I'd just that afternoon switched to a new one, so I thought it might be tucked inside some internal zipper pocket or something. I love zipper pockets. It'd turn up, I thought. Someone'll call, and I'll find it. It's got a nice loud ring that sounds like an old telephone (and only rings one time). And then I started thinking where is it? what if I left it somewhere? what if I need to call someone and I can't find it? I tore the place apart, looking for it. It was not there.

What to do? I couldn't call the bar to see if anyone had found it. I couldn't drive back there to see if it was there, because I don't actually have a car. Couldn't call a cab. Didn't want to walk because it was dark already, and what if it wasn't there? What if I'd dropped it in my friend's car? She lives miles & miles away, and I don't have her phone number because it's, um, programmed into the damn cellphone.

I decided that if it didn't turn up I would buy myself an iPhone to replace it. I was kind of hoping it was really lost, for a minute there.

But then I got obsessed with finding it. I emailed all my friends, and sat there waiting for someone to respond. I actually opened all the IM clients I usually ignore and messaged a friend on the West Coast about my woes. She was still working. Nobody else was online, as it was Friday night and all. Miss Magpie was quite sympathetic, and I'm sure would have been willing to call the bar, see if my phone was there, and then call me a cab. And another friend came online who would've also been happy to help, but just at that moment, Julie emailed back. She'd arrived home and gotten my message and then tried to call me to see if I needed help, which we both thought was pretty funny. So I walked over there, borrowed her car, and drove back & got my cellphone. Which the bartender had found and set aside for me.

And it didn't work. Maybe I could have an iPhone after all?

It appeared to have battery power and a signal, but no calls would go through. So I turned it off and then on again after a little while and it worked fine after that. Go figure.

But the whole incident really surprised me. How isolated and vulnerable I felt sans cellphone. Stupid, yeah, but this was about more than just losing my keys, or my place in the book I'm reading, or where did I put the soda I'm drinking oh hell I'll just open another one.

Maybe a landline is a good idea, for security porpoises. But no iPhone, not today.