It's National Coming Out Day!

So I'll take this opportunity to state (yet again) for the record that I am bisexual. I've written previously about my discomfort with that label, with the reputation that bisexuals have, and about how I sometimes wish that my sex life were even half as interesting as people seem to think bisexuals' sex lives are. I do not, in fact, have twice as many partners as monosexuals. I do not, in fact, even have twice as many potential partners to choose from. I am as discerning as the next person and will not in fact fuck anything that moves. Also: I am not an unstable whackjob murderer. Those movies about hot bi gals who go all nuts and ruin some innocent straight girl's life and kill her husband/boyfriend or whatever? Not about me. I'm about as hot as your average middle-aged rocket surgeon-princess-geek, and sort of temperamentally allergic to high-drama type situations.

But still, sometimes, when asked if I'm a lesbian, I say yes. It's easier. Interestingly, no one has ever asked me outright if I'm straight (ahem). But if they did, I'd say no. But I really don't like to answer the next questions that follow the revelation that I'm bisexual: Well, which do you like better? [I like both. A lot.] When are you going to make up your mind? [I have made up my mind; I like both men and women.*] Isn't this just part of your refusal/inability to make a commitment to anything? [No more than your attraction to members of only one gender makes you unable or unwilling to make a commitment to one individual within that group.] Aren't you just trying to cash in on your 'heterosexual privilege' while still claiming membership in an oppressed class? [I'm especially baffled by this one.]

But I came out as a lesbian -- to family, friends, community -- in my early twenties, and in fact was in a relationship with one woman or another until my mid-thirties. I was surprised as anyone to find myself attracted to a man, and even more so to act on that attraction. At first I thought of it kind of as a 'relapse,' but there was more to it than that. In the years since then, I've become more comfortable admitting to myself, to my lovers, and to my friends that I'm bisexual, for real. I still haven't told my parents, though I'm pretty sure both of them have their suspicions. I figure that, especially at my age, my sex life is none of their business. If I were in a long-term relationship with a man, I would certainly tell them. But they both worked very hard to come to terms with the whole lesbian-daughter thing in the first place, and were extremely supportive and kind about it. I have occasionally suspected that they rather enjoy the notoriety, even. And they love love love my lovely ex-wife, and think I'm an idiot for leaving her, or driving her away, or whatever it was that happened. I forget what it was, exactly. Seemed important at the time, and probably was.

Anyway, I am grateful that I never experienced a hostile family, never lost a job, never felt threatened or oppressed on a personal, individual, or even remotely dangerous level on account of being a lesbian or a bisexual. Never belonged to any church or social group that would ostracize or ban someone for being queer. I am very lucky, and my heart goes out to people who did not, do not, or would not experience all of that if and when they choose to come out, today or any other day.

So that's where I'm at. You?


*UPDATE: No one's commented about this (yet) but on re-reading this, I certainly want to be clear that I don't intend any slight to transexuals; I like them also, and absolutely support what is going on with them. I guess I could more accurately state that I like all genders. Or sexes. Or whatever. Does this mean I have to call myself "omnisexual?" That does sound a little kinky, but maybe I could get used to it. Yet another reason I don't like labels. But that's for another post, I think. I'm not a monosexual, is all. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Some people just can't help it, I think.