Area 51 is just not open for business

So I missed the whole 'vajayjay' dust-up on/about 'Gray's Anatomy.' Which actually sounds like a pretty good show, from what I've heard. But apparently the hall monitors over at wherever they produce the show didn't like them using the word 'vagina' quite so much, so a while back the writers had a character -- a doctor who was also a patient -- use the word 'vajayjay' instead. In a medical show. During what I gather was an obstetrical-type scene.

Anyway, the term has apparently kind of caught on -- I gather even Oprah said it -- and I've been extremely amused by what folks are saying about it. It first came to my attention over at Feministe, but, I mean, it even made the New York Times, for dogssake. And them some whackjob columnist (and sometime co-host or stand-in for Bill O'Reilly) at philly.com by the name of Michael Smerconish weighed in with his opinion that, basically, vaginas are kind of gross. Or they are if you call them 'vaginas.' A 'vajayjay,' on the other hand, seems a little more accessible to him. More 'open for business,' so to speak (I don't make this shit up; he really said that). It seems to him that The Feminists want us all to use an intimidating word like 'vagina' to scare people away, because maybe we have some kind of 'proprietary interest' (his words, yall, not mine) in what goes in there. According to him and his man friends (whom he consulted on this topic), we (The Feminists, that is) don't want anybody to be attracted to our vaginas -- or anybody else's -- so we won't let them use any fun words for it.

Is it just me, or is this bizarre? Personally, I don't care what you call yours. What I call mine depends on the circumstances, obviously. It's not something I talk about frequently, to be honest. But sometimes 'vagina' is the right word. Like when you're at the gynecologist. Which, a few years back (maybe 11? 12 years?) I moved to a new town and had to see a new gynecologist. I picked this one guy because he was involved in some interesting, high-quality research and he had a good reputation and was said to be a great guy. And he actually is a pretty good guy, all in all, though I have a different gynecologist now. But before I'd actually met this guy, I saw one of the nurse practitioners at his office for some (sorry, TMI & all, but I do have a point here) minor itchiness in the aforementioned region. Was treated successfully. Went back a few weeks later for a follow-up visit/yearly exam. The guy looked at my chart, blushed bright red to the tips of his sticky-outy ears, and said, "so how is your, um, bottom?"

I didn't quite know how to respond. I probably said, "better, thanks," or something lame, but fought the impulse to say, "my ASS is fine, thanks, and the VAGINAL ITCHING has improved quite a lot since I used those VAGINAL SUPPOSITORIES youall prescribed. Say it with me, buddy: VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA." I mean, this poor guy is a freaking gynecologist, and he can't say 'vagina' without blushing? I'm thinking he needs a new line of work.

Because I do think that if you're going to be looking at, and talking about, and writing research papers about something, you should be able to talk about it. But maybe that's just me. I somehow don't think 'vajayjay' would have helped this guy.

But I do recognize that 'vagina' is a seriously taboo word. My first name, in real life, is 'Regina.' Which is frequently mispronounced, especially by people with clipboards in waiting rooms. Who have very loud voices. And everybody in the room gets kind of embarrassed, especially at the gynecologist's office, because nobody wants to talk about cities in Saskatchewan. Or something.

Call me Nora, please.

But the thing about vaginas, is that there are lots of other words available to use. Unless you are a gynecologist and you are talking about the particular girl part that is properly called a vagina. There are other words, clinical and specific just like 'vagina,' to describe other related and/or contiguous parts. But nobody, not even The Feminists, are forbidding people to use whatever silly word they want to use, in private. Sure, there are times when you need to be specific about what hurts or itches or isn't working right. Just like you don't want to tell your gastroenterologist that you have a tummy-ache.

And it's good to be able to talk about your girl parts, in a specific and intelligible way, when you need to, or want to. That's kind of the point of that whole 'Vagina Monologues' thing. But who the hell cares if I call mine a tweeter? Or a hoo-hah? Or a cunt, for that matter. It's mine. Plus I really did enjoy some of the words for girl parts that people shared over at the Feministe thread. Area 51???!!!! I haven't laughed that hard in a while.